so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
