things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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