Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
