her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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