Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
