Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
