they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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