I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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