Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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