I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
