I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
