I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
