the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
