speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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