but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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