I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
