i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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