Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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