I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
