Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
