Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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