Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
