My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
