I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
