im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
