So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
