This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
