Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
