ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
