you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
