he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
