Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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