I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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