i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
