you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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