Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I didn't notice because vodka
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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