I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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