GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
