Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
