K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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