Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
