I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The beer is more important than you right now.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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