Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My feet surprised me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
