I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
