My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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