I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
