How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Randomize
