i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
where are my eyebrows?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
