Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
