She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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