Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
