Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
