maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
