I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
