I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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