Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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