Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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