we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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