The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
