i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I need water and some morals
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
