people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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