i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
