Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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