If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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