he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
