Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
