Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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