hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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