i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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