hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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