hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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