i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
