the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
