I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
