i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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