dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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