I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
