He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
